Then and Now

David’s Bridal "One Love" Contest Sponsored by David's Bridal

Hey guys,

It's been a while since I've posted!  Um, let's see, me and Adam are doing really good now.  He quit his job back in May and has been working on getting the renovations to my house done.  As we have been going along with that we found more and more water damage - finally figured out there was a 2nd leak in the wall between my kitchen & bathroom.  Turns out, when the former owner had someone do some renovations on the house - someone managed to put a screw through the water supply line for the bathroom - so it was a slow leak that ruined my bottom cabinets and dry wall.  Money is really tight right now because of all this.  I had to buy all new cabinets which has cost about $2000 for that alone.  And we've already spend $5000 that the insurance company gave us to repair the mess.  It just keeps getting more & more expensive.  But one thing - it will look really nice when it's done - Adam has been doing a really good job on all of it.  It's definitely "our" house now because he's put blood and sweat into fixing my house for me.  So far he's replaced my sewer line - (which consisted of jackhammering up my living room floor, pulling out the old pipe and replacing it with new.  Tore out the carpet & scraped up some old vinyl stuff that was on the floor - pulled out the old cabinets - replaced the wall between the living rm & dining rm and is currently working on the wall between kitchen & bathrm.   Still have a lot more to go though  because we have to spray the kitchen with texture before installing the cabinets.  And then after the kitchen cabinets are assembled and installed we're tiling the floor in there as well.  After that we have to get the countertops taken care of and then we have to spray & texture the living rm & dining rm and then tile both of them.  God this is major upgrade to my house!  hahaha lol 

I dunno if I'm going to be able to afford taking a class this upcoming semester because of all of this.  Hopefully I'll have enough for at least one - I was hoping to take chemistry this coming semester.  Other than that - nothing else is really going on - have been working overtime whenever I get a chance to help pay for some of this nightmare.  Anyhow - type at you guys later- hope all of you are doing well.

Hey everybody,

Well, I'm still breathing - me & Adam are still together trying to make things work and have been doing the counseling thing.  We have another appt this coming Wednesday - fun fun.  Anyhow, I entered one of my poems into a contest on this one site and you have to get at least 500 views to be bumped in to the next round.  Do me a big favor and go read it - and if the mood strikes you review it even - and I'd like constructive criticism if you do. (I know, I'm asking a lot right?   We recently went through the poetry section in my Intro to Literature class - I posted a couple of my poems on the online class postboard and the teacher tried to talk me into participating in a poetry reading that the college was holding in honor of Women's History month.  But I'm an introvert and not into performing - so I didn't do it.  I hope all of you are doing well - type more at you later.

http://www.moontowncafe.com/poetry/view_poem.asp?cat_id=33&subcat_id=261&poem_id=59129

Hey people,

Well, I'm alive and still breathing - that's about all I have to say for now.  Me & Adam are doing the counseling thing which I'm finding out that it is a painfully slow process.  We went for our initial meeting w/the counselor and she decided she wanted to see me for 2 sessions alone & then Adam for one.  I'm thinking she evidently feels that I'm the bigger problem in the relationship - either that or she's gonna get more information from me than she will from Adam. 

Adam told me the other day that I'm abusive (I guess verbally and I've got that whole overly controlling thing going on) - that just kinda killed something in me.  No one has ever told me that and considering he very rarely ever said anything positive to me - well - my self image in this relationship is just wacked.  Outside of this relationship - I'm still have my strong self defined idea of who I am though.  I know that this relationship has brought out the worst in me but it's not like he's ever done anything to help bring out the best.  I feel so despondent about the relationship right now - even though the counselor seems to think the relationship is viable.  But anyway - I'm doing well in school - I got 100 on my essay exam I had last week.  YAY ME!  We're studying poetry right now in Intro. to Lit. Of course, I'm doing well - the teacher put up a link on the post board for us to post poems we may have written - she really likes my work.  Unfortunately, I'm the only person posting any poems on there - I would've like to see if anyone else writes as well.  Anyhow, I wrote a poem earlier tonight - figured I would post it for you guys.  Also, I'm being inducted into the honor society at PCC at the end of this week. 

I started writing the poem about my voice cracking on the radio because of my emotions getting to me about the relationship issues I'm dealing.  As I was writing the imagery I started using about the ribbon reminded me of a wedding me & Adam went to this time last year.  They had ribbons tied around the little sacks of candy and I had pulled mine off and he tied it around my finger and said not to forget him.  I told him I don't think that was possible seeing how I had remembered him for the 9 years we were apart.  (God, now I'm crying).  Anyhow - that's what it's about - now you all have the inside scoop on the poem - you should feel privilaged.  I guess what makes this so painful at the moment is this morning he told me that he wouldn't want to be with me forever - in reference to marriage - mainly because of how controlling I am.  At this point we're both being brutally honest - not in a "i'm trying to hurt you way" but more in a "i'm just at the end of my rope" sort of way.  But, as always, he's never able to understand me  -  so I'm thinking it's a lost cause - as much as I don't want it to be. 

Anyway - here's the poem:

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